I Felt Defeated And Incapable

When we first connected, I felt defeated and incapable of becoming the gentle parent I so desperately wanted to be. Too often, no matter what my intellect and heart truly wanted, in the moment, my whole body would be overtaken by years of poor coping. I was desperate to bridge this gap and to find a way to embody my best intentions.

I had worked with therapists before but never with a coach. I was cautiously optimistic that working with Lavinia would enable me to breakthrough – she was the first person with whom I have worked that truly understood my struggles (since she had worked through similar challenges herself) and this gave me hope that I could, too. In the back of my mind, however, I was afraid that I would fail because I was fundamentally broken.

Before our first session, I felt hopeful that this work could make a true difference and I was ready to do whatever it took. From our first conversation, I knew that Lavinia was just the person I needed to hold my hand through this raw and uncomfortable work. I felt safe, seen and supported.

With Lavinia’s support and guidance, I healed the trauma that, unbeknownst to me, had been poisoning my sense of self and therefore, so many aspects of my present life.

This work has opened me up – I have greater awareness of why I may feel a certain way and can now honor my instincts and own voice. I now know I have the power to create my own inner peace and that I am lovable (flaws and all!) just as I am. I accept I am only human and that this is a life’s work.

I finally have the tools and confidence to pick myself back up and keep trying which has allowed me to give myself more grace as I do my best each day to show up for my boys. This healing and clarity have also freed me from certain triggers, from my own unrealistic expectations and from prolonged pain with my parents, which had been popping up in other dynamics as well.

I surprised myself the most during the series by realizing that my voice has always been there. I was just too distracted by the noise—fear, shame and over-analysis—to listen to it.

My biggest learning was that I am a thinking, feeling, imperfect being, not a robot who can execute to task every time. I am powered by my heart, not batteries, and this is what it means to be alive and to grow!

I absolutely think that the coaching series was good value and I want to thank Lavinia for sharing her vulnerability, empathy, deep insights and patience - thank you for believing in and walking with me. You are a gift.

~ Eleanor Fabian, mama, USA