Hey, I’m Lavinia
and just like you...
I have found motherhood to be one of my most rewarding but also relentlessly challenging roles…
There is no one that I love more deeply or fiercely than my three little musketeers (especially when they are asleep and looking angelic).
But there have also been times that I wanted to resign from this job and run away - days during which. I felt totally overwhelmed by what I’d created, powerless and in despair, desperate for some head-space and to feel back in control.
Mothering is hard. But it’s even harder when you’re in unchartered territory.
Because I never experienced a mother who role modelled either tender nurture or strong leadership, whose shoulder I could cry on without being judged, who was proud of me without being jealous, who supported me to fully shine my light instead of unconsciously diminishing it too.
So the initiation has often felt brutal - a slow, drawn-out awakening to my many limitations, and how these were blocking me from being the mama I aspired to be.
Navigating the transition has often felt scary and unsafe for my wounded inner child, but it’s my real-life kids who have been my greatest guides - each of them, in their own unique way, holding up a mirror to my potential.
And because I could never (realistically) give it all up, I had to acknowledge my trauma and accept the challenge that motherhood presented: to grow beyond it and into my best self.
My kids were the catalyst for letting go: for being more vulnerable, more spontaneous, for learning to trust more in life and for valuing being, rest, fun and joy as much as doing, work, getting through chores and achievement.
Their unconditional love for me broke open my armoured heart.
It revealed the immense, unstoppable capacity I hold to reach out to ever deeper, more unfamiliar and even terrifying realms of love and understanding for another.
Motherhood showed me that I am worthy enough both to give and receive love.
And after many years of validating my anger, soothing my fear, nurturing my shame and parenting my needy inner child, I am a very different mother to the one I first was.
I’m still not where I want to be but I’m better able to accept where I am. And on the ‘bad’ days, I remind myself of the gap between where I came from and where I am heading, and acknowledge with pride that I am creating a future for my children that was very different to my past.
Outside of motherhood...
I am a European mongrel - part French, Spanish, Austro-Hungarian, Scottish and English - whose wanderlust has taken me to live and work in some of the most beautiful and cosmopolitan hubs in the world (Hong Kong, Oxford, Paris, Bali, India, Geneva, London and Cambridge).
Having kids didn’t dilute this: in 2016 we spent a whole year on a SE Asian travel odyssey, and in 2019, we decamped to the Costa Brava in order to nurture our Catalan roots.
My career choices have been just as varied, including stints in fine wine, corporate events, boutique hotels, merchant banking, auctioneering, luxury goods, marketing and the energy drinks industry.
For much of my life, I was searching for something.
And it wasn’t until much later that I realised that shifting jobs, switching haircuts, moving countries, changing partners and having more kids, wasn’t it.
Working hard and being rewarded for it always seemed easier than doing life. Achievements were black and white - I knew where I stood - whereas in day-to-day life I was terrified of getting it wrong or being rejected.
So I smashed out the A grades, got into one of the UK’s leading public schools, attended two of Europe’s most high-profile universities and in my first job as a wine specialist, won a prestigious award, published a book, and featured in the Who’s Who of Wine for Asia.
On the inside though, I was a mess: a misaligned marriage, a chronic eating disorder and years of pent-up anxiety and anger resulted in depression and divorce all before I reached 30.
When I became a mama, the feelings continued to intensify…
Keeping up appearances was exhausting, and my only constant was fear: of a messy house, of feeling out of control, of putting on weight, of not having enough sleep, of not having enough time, of letting things go, of not being a good parent, of not being successful, of showing vulnerability, of not being liked, of receiving help, of letting others down, of feeling my feelings, of being authentic…
And it wasn’t until the shock of parenting like my parents forced me to confront my past, that I began to acknowledge the unresolved trauma from my childhood, and to nurture my ‘inner child’.
I have been on the healing path ever since...
Slowing down, giving myself permission to rest, voicing my needs, tracking the ups and downs of my cycle, allowing my feelings, sharing my vulnerability, listening to my body, taming my inner critic, laying healthy boundaries, cultivating connections with only those who make me feel good about myself, following my intuition, prioritising self-care, and as a result, no longer needing to be perfect or strong.
Through continuing to feed my inner child’s deep craving for validation, attention and love from within, I now feel WHOLE and SAFE.
And because I never want anyone to feel the same way I did, it is now my gift, my calling, my passion and my purpose to support other mamas to heal too.
Qualifications and Professional Training
Academic Qualifications:
MA Hons Oxon (Philosophy & Mod Lang), Wadham College, Oxford University, UK
Professional Training:
Qualified Life Coach with the BYCA (course certified and approved by the International Coaching Federation - Coaching Coach Education category)
Associate member of European Mentoring & Coaching Council to whose Code of Ethics I subscribe
Certified Clinical Trauma Specialist (Arizona Trauma Institute)
Trauma, Attachment and Eating Disorders (Arizona Trauma Institute)
Level 6 Leading Equality & Diversity and Managing Organisational Culture (Chartered Management Institute)
Other Self-development Courses completed:
Jungian Shadow work – Innerwork I and II (Deborah Chan)
Initiation into the Sacred Feminine (Jewels Wingfield)
Healing the Mother Wound (Bethany Webster)
Sacred Circle Emergence (Sora Surya No)
The Shaman’s Pathway (Simon Buxton)
‘Cauldron of Pearls’ Feminine Leadership Training (Jewels Wingfield)
Business Accelerator Programme (Allia Serious Impact)
“Lavinia knows that radical self-honesty and self-love are the path to the deepest transformation, particularly for women who are mothers. She is one of those rare coaches who is doing her own deep work and in turn, can support her own clients through the uncomfortable places they must go to be the women they are meant to be - with strength, courage, and authenticity.”
— Bethany Webster, Healing the Mother Wound
“I have personally witnessed a huge transformation over the years since I first met Lavinia. The work she must have done to be operating from such awareness and power now is commendable. I honestly can’t think of anyone better qualified to coach other women to realise their power and potential post motherhood. Lavinia is powerful and yet very compassionate, intuitive, kind, caring and understanding. She understands at the mental, emotional and physical levels of consciousness, what it means to be a woman in today’s modern madness. What a glorious gift to the world she is, and I have absolutely no hesitation at all in recommending her services. I wish her and all the fortunate women that get to work with her tremendous success.”
— Mark Karlsson, Your Spiritual Life Coach
