I Was Feeling A Great Deal Of Mom Rage

When we first connected, I was feeling a great deal of mom rage and was feeling very inconsistent in my parenting.

I felt like I was constantly on a rollercoaster with my kids (big highs and big lows). At times, I was the fun, care-free, kind, and loving mom who was hosting a dance party in the den, whilst at other times, I was the angry, resentful, scary mom with a very loud scream and a tendency to lose my cool over totally unexpected things.

Many times, I would feel a visceral heat boiling up inside of me and I knew I was about to explode but I had no idea how to calm the ‘monster’ inside. As I result, I would end up screaming at my kids.

I had worked with business coaches and a spiritual life coach previously and whilst both had an incredibly helpful short-term effect on me, nothing felt either long-lasting or seemed to get to the root of the issues I was struggling with. I knew that something had to change but I had no idea what was going on nor how to become the more consistent, stable, loving, nurturing, safe and kind mom that I knew I could be.

After our first session, I was confident that we were going to make great progress. I felt extremely comfortable with Lavinia and could tell that she was asking all the right questions and really knew how to connect with people and move the needle. I knew my investment to work with her was going to be worth it.

My life has improved drastically since coaching. We ended up focusing a great deal on my relationship with my husband and I would say that this relationship has changed 100%. I was feeling pretty anxious about it before - always feeling like the blanket was going to be pulled from beneath me, and that my world was going to be shattered. I had crazy thoughts about everything falling apart and this was making me constantly question my husband about whether everything was okay with us.

With Lavinia, I worked to trace some of these fears back to childhood, where the bottom had indeed fallen out for me numerous times. I was blindsided countless times as a child, and it seems that I was still carrying the fear of this happening again in my present life.

Tracing my current behaviour back to my childhood, showed me why I was feeling this way and took away my fears that I would be blindsided again. I still have to remind myself of what is going on when the fears come back up but Lavinia taught me techniques to manage these fears when they arise. As a result, my relationship is now very different and I am far more open with my husband about what is going on.

I surprised myself the most during the series by how able I was to have some pretty difficult conversations, for example asking my mom about the tough times in her life, the specifics of her divorces and my childhood.

I did so with such bravery and not that much difficulty because I knew it was something that I needed to do, and also how much it would help me to be a better parent, improve my relationship with my husband and heal some of my childhood wounds. It did all of this and more.

I felt closer to my mom following that conversation than I ever have; I was able to hold a safe space for her, and I think she was able to really open up to me. I surprised myself by how good I was at this and how strong I was, even though some of what she said was tough to hear.

I then had a similar conversation with my twin sister, and once again, surprised myself at my ability to hold space for her. Because of these experiences, I was drawn back to furthering my counseling degree because I now see my ability to be brave in uncomfortable situations and to hold space for people when they may feel uncomfortable, as confirmation of my beliefs that I will be good in this field.

My biggest learning is how helpful and really vital it is to go back into your past to uncover what is causing negative things to happen in your present.

I felt that the coaching series was 100% good value, given what I got out of it. I would not take back a minute of my time with Lavinia nor any of the money I spent on our sessions - it was worth every penny! I love Lavinia’s work and wish that every person on the planet could do it!

~ Emily Foster, clinical mental health counselling grad student & mama, USA