I Was Terrified That I Would Never Get Better

When I first connected with Lavinia, I was in a deep state of fear. I was terrified that I would never get better — that I’d stay trapped in the same old fear patterns and never feel safe in my own body again.

I was experiencing daily anxiety and panic attacks, along with constant heart palpitations, and it was affecting every part of my life. I was struggling to function in my day-to-day routine as a childcare provider, but most of all, I was struggling as a mother to my two young girls.

I had worked with coaches before, but I came into this experience feeling pretty apprehensive. At that point, I genuinely believed I couldn’t be helped — that my fear and anxiety were too deeply ingrained to change. I even remember asking Lavinia during our consultation call if she truly believed she could help me. Her calm confidence and grounded energy gave me just enough hope to take that first step forward.

Before our first session, I was anxious, tense, and skeptical. My body felt like it was in a constant state of alarm, and I remember feeling nervous that nothing would change — that I’d leave the session feeling just as stuck as before. I’m pretty sure I cried the entire way through the session. But after that first call, something shifted. I felt a sense of calm and safety that I hadn’t experienced in a long time, possibly ever. For the first time in years, I felt a small glimmer of hope that healing was actually possible.

Since coaching, my life has changed in ways I didn’t think were possible. I feel more connected to myself and calmer in my body, even when life gets hectic. I’m able to recognize my triggers and regulate instead of spiraling, which has completely changed the way I show up for my kids and my partner.

There’s more patience, more compassion, and a deeper sense of safety in our home. I trust myself again — both as a mother and as a person. I no longer feel like I’m constantly trying to “fix” myself; I‘ve learned to be compassionate with myself and more nurturing towards myself.

I surprised myself the most during the series by realizing how much strength and wisdom were already inside me. I used to believe that healing meant becoming someone new, but I’ve learned that it’s really about returning to myself — the part of me that always knew how to love, nurture, and protect.

I’ve surprised myself by how deeply I can feel now without becoming overwhelmed, and by how safe it can actually feel to slow down and be present in my body.

My biggest learning was that healing doesn’t come from forcing or fixing — it comes from compassion and consistency. I learned that my body isn’t my enemy; it’s been trying to protect me all along.

Understanding my triggers, listening to my inner child, and offering myself patience instead of pressure has changed everything. I now know that safety isn’t something I have to earn — it’s something I can create within myself.

I absolutely think that the coaching series was good value, given what I got out of it. Lavinia was worth every bit of the time, energy, and investment. What I gained goes far beyond what I expected — it’s not just tools or insights, but a completely new way of being with myself.

The shifts I’ve made in how I respond to stress, how I connect with my children, and how I view my own healing are invaluable. You can’t really put a price on learning how to feel safe in your own body.

The pacing, flow, and depth of our work together felt exactly right. I never felt rushed or dismissed — each session unfolded naturally, and the space you created allowed me to process and integrate at my own pace. If anything, I just wish I could bottle that sense of grounded safety that you provided and bring it into every part of my life.

I’m deeply grateful for this experience which has been life-changing in ways I couldn’t have imagined when we first spoke. I came in terrified, disconnected, and exhausted — and I’m leaving with peace, confidence, and a renewed sense of trust in myself. Thank you for helping me find my way.

~ Kerstin Barnes, childcare provider & mama, USA